this and that

Oh, hey there.  Is anyone still reading this thing?

The break from blogging was somewhat intentional and unintentional at the same time.  This year so far as been filled with some good personal changes for me.  One of which involved simplifying wherever possible, and so the urge to feel like I had to regularly fill this blog space with something currently happening in our lives has faded.  As well, life is so busy raising kiddos right now I wouldn't have much time to blog even if I wanted to.  That being said, I feel like I might someday regret failing to document at least a bit of this time in our lives.  I am planning to write an Oliver update soon, hopefully after his first birthday in a couple of weeks.  Likely to follow that will be random, less detail-y joint updates on both kiddos.

I think it was back in January when I read "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up."  It was my long overdue dive into what I currently think of as modern minimalism.  Maybe it was the fact that I was home all day with two tiny humans in the dead of winter slowly going a bit stir crazy, or maybe it really was the overwhelming feeling that comes with owning too much stuff, but either way something sparked inside of me that decided it was time for a change.  I spent nearly every spare moment for weeks (months?) going through every drawer, cabinet, closet, and room using the Marie Kondo method of removing all the contents, laying everything out on the floor, and then basically throwing out every item that "no longer brought me joy."  Four SUV-packed loads taken to the thrift store and several bags of discarded trash later, and I was feeling physically lighter and less cluttered than ever before.  The desire to "lighten my load" overflowed into other areas of my life as well.  I deactivated all my social media accounts with the exception of Instagram.  I stopped following all blogs and stopped writing on here as well.  I went through my phone and removed digital clutter - apps that no longer served me and hundreds of photos of the kids because really, in 20 years I will not need 3,000 photos of Arlo at age three.  I will want perhaps 20-50 of the best ones, which I have kept.  I am certainly not a true minimalist.  Not even close.  We still have far more "stuff" than we will ever need.  The biggest takeaway from the whole experience was the learning to let go of things.  With the exception of a few sentimental items - photos, plants I have had forever, projects I have made and cherish, I could part with just about anything I own now.  Getting rid of things has become easy, and gone is my tendency to hoard items that I "might someday need."

Shortly after Oliver turned six months, I went back to work.  I felt ready months before I actually went back, but the desire to keep him out of childcare was stronger than my urge to get back to being a nurse.  I started with one day a week and then eventually went back to two, which feels like just the right work/life balance right now.  I truly enjoy my job, working in general, and seeing my coworkers who are also my friends.  The boys stay with one of two stay at home mamas who I found to care for them, and they both love going there because of the existence of friends and new toys that are found at each location.  I have become friends with both of these mamas, and they are now people we meet up with for playdates on that days that I am not working.

Around the time I went back to work, I also joined the gym.  Those two things have been game changers for me.  The ability to have a day or two a week to go be "Kendra the nurse" combined with an hour or two to myself on the days where I am not working, has done wonders for my happiness (and sanity.)  I am a much better mom when I am able to get some time to feel like I am getting to be me.  I am not going to lie, kids are hard.  Between the three-year-olds emotional meltdowns and a teething baby, the days can be long and stressful if not approached with some type of survival plan.  I don't mean for it to sound all bad - these challenging moments are interspersed with times the boys will play nicely together in the playroom, have a living room dance party, or laugh wildly as they chase each other through the house.  I'm thankful for these times and they are some of my most favorite moments, but the truth is some days the hard ones seem to out number the easy ones.  Those are the days that I don't know how I would calmly get through if I wasn't able to get some de-stressing time for myself.

When Erik approached me with his idea that joining the gym would be of some huge benefit to me, he presented it to me as something I could attend without even working out since the childcare is available for anything you want to do while on site.  Our gym has a sauna in each locker room, as well as a lounge area that many moms use for relaxing/catching up on social media/making those phone calls that are impossible to successfully make with small humans in the room.  I liked the idea of having those options available to me and he did get my attention by mentioning them, but once I got back into it I realized how much I missed the intense workouts I so used to enjoy (and to this day I still haven't even used that sauna.)  After Arlo was born I never really got back into running, and certainly didn't spent any time doing strength training outside of a semi-regular yoga practice.  Now I am back to doing both, as well as spin classes and other intense strength/cardio classes.  As apprehensive as I initially was with taking a six month old to group childcare, it went far better than I anticipated it would.  Oliver is a favorite of the staff, and they all know the boys well since we are there most days of the week.  The boys both get some energy out playing with toys and friends and I basically get to do the same, my toys being the gym equipment.  I am thankful that Erik encouraged me to get back into it, and while my body will certainly will never look the same as it did before growing two humans (nor do I ever expect it to) I am as feeling as fit and as strong as I ever have been.  Which feels pretty damn good.

At the end of May, Erik and I took our first trip since Oliver came into the picture.  My parents came to stay with the boys, and Erik and I went to Puerto Rico for six days of kid-free adult time.  I remember the first full day we were there, laying on the beach overcome by this feeling of true relaxation that comes only with having zero schedule, zero responsibilities, and no one to answer to but ourselves.  After nearly a year of being "on duty" nearly every minute of everyday, the feeling was foreign and only then did I realize how much Erik and I really needed the break together.  Our days were filled with swimming, surfing, quiet date night dinners, and drinks in the middle of the day just because we could.  I can't wait to go back someday.

Puerto Rico, May 2017

In July we took our first big trip as a family of four.  We had road tripped up to D.C. a couple weeks prior, but the trip to Michigan was the first time flying with both kids.  Overall, the travel went well, but it was still a lot of traveling.  We stayed with Erik's parents for a few days, then drive four hours north to Alpena for part two of the trip.  My family reunion was the main event up north, and it was great to see all the family who I only get to see every two years.  I was able to connect with two of my childhood friends, and meet their kiddos who I had not yet met.  It was a wonderful trip, and one I would consider a great success considering the logistics of traveling so far with a three year old and toddler. 

The summer so far here in North Carolina has been mild and enjoyable.  We missed out on a week long extreme southern heat wave when were in Michigan, and the temps in the high 80's/low 90's have allowed for a lot of outside time with the kids.  At the beginning of the summer we refinished our back deck, giving it a fresher look as well as creating a space that is much more kid friendly.  We've gotten a ton of use out of our $9 plastic kiddie pool and water table, and Oliver is now at the age where he can enjoy most of the same outdoor activities as his big brother.  He was an early walker so trips to the park are great for keeping the boys busy and entertained, and the library is still a frequent destination especially on rainy days.  It's only early August but somehow it feels like summer is almost over.  Our local grocery store put out their Halloween decor two weeks ago and the teachers and kids seem to be prepping for their return back to school already.  I'm not quite ready to give up summer yet though and am looking forward to at least another month of swimsuits and sticky watermelon hands. 

Arlo (3.5 yr) + Oliver (10 mo), June 2017

So, I guess that's a quick snapshot of 2017 so far.  There is more of course, there always is, but I suppose these are the main events.  More on the kiddos and what they are up to in a later post...

minimizing

I we have too much stuff.

I am a sucker for all things free.  An avid yard saler, thrift store shopper, bargain hunter.  Where there is a deal to be had - I am all over it.  Scoring an amazing deal gives me a high - the adrenaline starts pumping and all I can think about is how thrifty I am and how much money I have saved (this must be how those household product hoarders on the show Extreme Couponing feel!)  Most of the items in our house (including clothes, dishes, furniture, baby stuff) have been found secondhand.  We live this way not just for the money it saves us (although that is a big part of it) - but also to lower our carbon footprint, preference to have cool vintage pieces over newly made items, the ability to get secondhand items locally, and let's be honest - the thrill of the hunt.  And while I don't think I will ever change my thrifty ways, I have recently learned that while the items I am acquiring may have little or no monetary cost to me, there certainly is a cost associated with them.  There is a cost associated with everything.  There may be little to no money invested, but instead the cost of your time, your energy, and space in your life.

I have an example.  A few weeks ago, Erik was offered a free bike trailer from work.  Before he brought it home, he excitedly told me all about it's nifty features and how expensive it would be if we bought it new at the store.  "Honey, we don't need that right now" I told him.  "But Kendra, it's free" he responded, clearly puzzled as to why I would ever say no to a freebie.  Actually, no, it's not free.  We would have to clear out space in our already jam-packed shed, likely making it harder to find things we need.  This would have made going in the shed even more stressful than it already is, and harder to navigate the narrow isle that is overflowing with tools, yard items, strollers, and bike parts.  Not only that, but I can't remember the last time I even rode my bike, and have no immediate plans to do so.  The trailer would sit unused, taking up valuable real estate in the shed, and contributing to clutter - a source of stress for someone like me.

In the end, we agreed that we could pass on the "free" trailer.  If, in the future, we have a legitimate need for such an item, Erik could still score a great deal on one from work.  Going forward, before buying or accepting a free item, I plan to ask myself "do I really need it?"  If the answer is no, then I don't want it.  However, there is still the problem of all the "stuff" that I have acquired prior to this new mentality. I would say that the majority of our house is pretty clean and organized, most of the time.  However when you combine having a baby five months ago, with all the "stuff" that comes with that tiny human, and basically zero time to organize such stuff, it can create a problem.  I am embarrassed to show you these photos, but up until a couple of weeks ago - this is how our office/playroom/den/junk room has looked:

Seriously, who needs all this?!  In my defense - a lot of this was baby gear that was given to us or acquired after Arlo was born, and I simply had no place else to put it.  Post-baby, this space became the catch-all room for odds and ends.  This room (we are now referring to it as the den, since it is both my office and Arlo's future playroom) is right off of our foyer by the front door, so there is no hiding this mess from guests.  When we renovated the house last year, I was geeked about changing the door to this room from a plain solid door to a glass-paned one (and even scored one on Craigslist for $25!) which looks awesome but does not hide the rooms contents by any means.  So when my parents and sister were here a few weeks ago, I took advantage of the free babysitting and tackled this huge mess.  I took everything off the shelves, washed and cleaned the whole room, and put back only what I decided was necessary to save.  I even got rid of some of my yarn.  This is a big step people.  Even though to me it still looks like a lot of stuff on the shelves, it is 10x better and actually a very usable space now.

before & after

before & after

before & after

This project was about more than just reorganizing.  To me, reorganizing means finding a better way to cram unnecessary "stuff" back into the same space.  Instead - I was all about minimizing, and keeping only the things that have a value or genuine use to me.  My six year old desktop computer I have made three moves with now and have barely used - gone.  Lampshades without a lamp, unfinished craft projects, and yarn I knew I was never going to crochet with?  Gone!  I gave away around half of the stuff in the "before" photo - and it felt incredibly liberating.  I put just a few things in the attic for storage, but everything else was either given away or placed back on the shelf in a much less-cluttered way.  I still need to add shelves to the closet (a project I hope to accomplish this upcoming weekend) and I am still undecided on whether or not the new rug works for the space, but this room is now 95% done.  And boy does it feel good!

Here is how I did it:  the very top shelf is full of the only things I probably didn't really need to keep (but I did because I really like them and I can't reach to the top without a stool anyway, so it might as well be used for decorative purposes) - my colored glass collection.  Next shelf down is photography equipment and props, along with a basket for electronic "gadgets", my fabric, and some yarn.  The next two shelves are the rest of my craft supplies - sewing, a few craft books, and more yarn...  The one below has all of our office stuff - paper, notepads, markers, pens, and stationary (+ more yarn on the right side!)  And finally, the three bottom shelves are all for Arlo's toys.  I picked up several different baskets at places like Home Goods and Michaels, hot glued on a pre-painted wooden chalkboard tag, and labeled them with a white paint marker.  A place for everything and everything in it's place.

Now if I could just get the hubby to help me tackle that darn shed...