"and then she said what?!"

I started writing this post a few months ago when I was around 20 weeks or so pregnant.  I had been receiving a lot of interesting commentary on the bump and pregnancy in general and thought it would be interesting to document these unusual encounters.  I saved the post as a draft thinking I would have more to add as time went on, but fortunately I can't really think of anything else...  Here are a few things I wouldn't recommend ever saying to a pregnant lady (unless you are trying to help fuel a future blog post of hers, haha...)

1.)  "So was this pregnancy planned or was it an accident?"  Unless you are in my immediate family (and even then I am not sure how I would feel about answering this question) don't ever, ever, ever ask me (or any pregnant lady) this question.  I have been asked it twice now, and both times by people that are more acquaintances than friends.  If the Mom chooses to offer the info that her baby is a "surprise", then fine.  But I think most women would want to keep that between them and the baby's father and maybe close friends and family.  So please, don't be the person that asks this, no matter how badly you want to know that answer...

2.)  (At 19 weeks with a barely-there bump)  "Wow you are getting SOO big!!"  I came into work one day after my coworkers had not seen me for a few days, and my belly had just started to pop out.  Still though, it was quite small - I had probably only gained 7 lbs or so at the time.  She looked at me and yelled out across the unit that I was getting "SOOOO BIG!"  Thanks.  That's exactly what I want to hear.  People are so eager to comment on the growing belly, and frankly women (especially us pregnant ladies who are already concerned with not wanting to gain too much too soon) don't always want to hear those things.  There are nice ways to acknowledge the popped-out belly, and that usually involves a compliment to the mother in some way.  Also as a side note - we know we are getting bigger.  That kinda comes with the whole having a baby thing.

3.) "Do you need to make a boo boo?" This one might take the cake so far.  I was probably around 18 or 19 weeks along with a very small belly bump when this happened.  A nurse from another unit brought over a patient that I was assuming care of.  In front of the patient (who was wide awake and completely aware of our conversation) she asked me loudly if I needed to "make a boo boo."  My first reaction was "boo boo?  I am not hurt anywhere..."  I looked at her confused and after repeating her question she finally said "poop!  do you need to poop?"  My confusion quickly turned to embarrassment and annoyance that she would even say this to me, let alone in front of a patient.  Yikes!  Please don't ever compare a small pregnancy bump to the need to have a bowel movement.  Innapropriate!
Update 3 months later:  This same nurse has recently started waxing poetic about the "cuteness" of the bump now whenever she sees me, so I guess she is back in my good graces.  However, I don't think I will ever forget about her "boo boo" question, and frankly whenever I see her that memory comes flooding back pretty quickly...

4.)  Recently while at work, a nurse from the OR came through our department, and upon hearing that I was pregnant also stated that she was as well, and struck up a little conversation with me.  She had asked if I was going to give birth at the hospital in which we work at, and I told her that our plan was the nearby Birthing Center.  She looked confused for just a second, then her eyes grew wide and she said "you really want a natural childbirth?!"  I said yes, that is what I have always wanted and hoped for.  She looked at me like I had suddenly grown two heads and said that she was definitely getting an epidural, and that her husband was an anesthesiologist and "didn't want to hear hear scream during labor".  Thinking about that now, it makes me kind of sad for her that her husband might even jokingly say that to her, but still, her reaction was quite rude.  I would never want to make someone feel that their choice to have a medicated hospital birth was the wrong one, we all need to make our own decisions based on what feels right for us, and most importantly support one another as fellow Mothers-to-be.  I would hope others would do the same for me, or at the very least - just smile and nod if you don't agree with what I am planning to do.  Just for fun I should have told her I am considering a placenta smoothie post-delivery, that would have really made her head spin!


So, since I know those were all things you were planning to say to your pregnant friends next time you see them (sorry to burst that bubble), what should you replace those comments with?  Anything positive that makes her feel awesome.  I have a few coworkers in particular that have only told me how cute I look and how sweet the bump is.  I will never, ever get sick of hearing that.  Even if the Mom isn't feeling like she is looking great, someone else telling her she does will make her feel better, I am sure of that.  I read somewhere that a good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't say it to a non-pregnant person, don't say it to one who is.  Example:  someone who is not pregnant wouldn't want to hear that they are getting "so big", well neither does one with baby on board.  But everyone enjoys hearing that they look great, adorable, glowing, etc.

As far as the whole "hands on the bump" thing, in the beginning I hated it.  Like made-me-want-to-swat-their-hand-away hate it.  I would have been just as comfortable if they reached across and grabbed my left boob.  Seriously.  But... as the baby grew into a nice plump bump, I started to actually get used to it and now I actually like it!  I actually have a coworker who kisses the bump when I see her, and I think that is so sweet.  Just to be safe, I think it's best to just ask the Mom if she minds having her belly touched.  Most people probably don't mind, but to us few who had to warm up to it, it's nice to have a little warning before that hand comes swooping in...

I certainly don't consider myself an expert on what to say to other people, trust me - I have put my foot in my mouth so many times I am surprised it's not permanently stuck there.  I guess I just felt the need to spread the word that some of these things are better left unspoken (and that us mama's-to-be are sensitive creatures with some crazy hormones on board and we all just need a little extra love!)  At the very least, I hope this gave you a little chuckle.  I know at the time of these unsolicited comments I certainly wasn't laughing, but looking back today I find most of it pretty darn funny  ;)